I woke up this morning remembering it was Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent.  It has been quite a long time since I visited a Catholic Church for a Mass.  Other than attending weddings or funerals I have not felt a need or pull to go. But for some reason this morning I felt very guided that I was supposed to go.  Although the weather was less than welcoming I decided to walk to church.  I could use the fresh air and it was only about a 20 minute trek.  As I walked, I began to remember how my brother and I used to walk to church together as children.  Funny, I had not thought about that for a long time.  My brother passed almost two years ago and memories of he and I as children have come up at the oddest times.  Before I knew I was walking into church and surprised by how full it was.  I found a seat and sat down.  The old rituals of being there countless times returned to me as if I had just been there yesterday and when it was my turn I went up and got ashes on my forehead.  ”Ashes to ashes”, the priest said and with all I have experienced in the past few years these words took on a powerful meaning.
An elderly priest took the pulpit and read the gospel.  After that he began his sermon and to be honest I was prepared to be bored.  After all it was the first day of Lent and I was sure I was going to hear about all of our sins, repentance, and the denial we should live by for the next 40 days. But instead as he spoke I realized this was why I was here.  To hear this sermon.  When he finished he told us it would be available for us to take along and I am sharing it here with you.  I feel it is significant for so many reasons.  I trust you will enjoy it as much as I did.

Lenten Opportunity

Fast from judging others; Feast on Christ dwelling in them.

Fast from differences; Feast on the unity of all life.

Fast from living in the dark; Feast on the reality of the Light.

Fast from thoughts of sickness; Feast on the healing power of God.

Fast from words that pollute; Feast on the phrases that purify.

Fast from discontent; feast on patience.

Fast from pessimism; Feast on optimism.

Fast from worry; Feast on God’s providence.

Fast from complaining; Feast on appreciation.

Fast from negativity; Feast on the positive.

Fast from stress; Feast on prayer.

Fast from hostility; Feast on cooperation.

Fast from self-concern. Feast on compassion.

Fast from anxiety; Feast on eternal truth.

Fast from discouragement; Feast on hope.

Fast from depression; Feast on delight.

Fast from laziness; Feast on enthusiasm.

Fast from suspicion; Feast on trust.

Fast from weakness; Feast on inspiration.

Fast from sorrow; Feast on contentment.

Fast from gossip; Feast on complimenting.

Fast form overwhelming problems; Feast on the Spirit.

Sometimes the unimaginable happens and you are forced to draw from a strength you did not know you possessed.  That is what happened to me at the end of February 2011.  In the span of one hour’s time, I learned that my pregnant daughter’s baby had died in her womb and that she had a life threatening disease, AML a particularly aggressive form of leukemia.  My life came to a crashing halt and the unreal became my reality.  It was truly a time where I took things one day at a time because I could not afford to look any further ahead than that.  The future was so uncertain that I was forced to live in the present.  I had always heard that living in the now was the way to live and I found that in this crisis I had no other choice.  It was a matter of survival and each day when I woke up I told myself that yes I could get through one more day.

The outpouring of love and prayers from family, friends, and even strangers touched by our story held me up and got me through the days when I thought I could not put one foot in front of the other.  The roller coaster ride we were on was unbearable at times as our daughter’s life was what was at stake but faith got me through as I posted positive affirmations all over her room.  “I am healed.”  “Love” “Smile “and pictures of her at her healthiest were what greeted doctors and nurses when they entered her room.   I kept all negative talk about her condition outside the door as I knew she needed every ounce of hope to survive.

When one of my husband’s employees survived cancer, he had given my husband a sign he had made in gratitude for the support my husband had given him.  My husband put this sign in my daughter’s room and we all focused on it on the days we needed that extra strength.  The sign said one word….Believe.  And we did.  Day after day we believed that our daughter would heal.  Day after day we drew our faith and our courage from that sign.  When my daughter was released, we brought the sign home and when she returned for her bone marrow transplant that sign came with us and stood prominently in the room.  Believe…..I can tell you without a doubt that this word created miracles for all of us.  Believe…such a simple word but the power it held for us was boundless.

Today I am happy to report that my daughter is doing remarkably well.  She is mourning the loss of her child but her healing has been nothing short of miraculous.  There is no doubt in my mind that the affirmations, faith and that believe sign kept us all going and created the miracle we so desperately needed.

A few years ago I asked my husband to buy me a Vespa for my birthday.  This is a small motor scooter whose top speed is 40 mph. I have fantasized about riding into the sunset on a Harley Davidson ever since I watched Easy Rider more years ago than I care to count.  A Harley may be too much for me to handle but a motor scooter like this would be the perfect compromise.  Especially because I live on a small island where riding something like this is not a death wish.  My husband was appalled.  He emphatically told me there was no way he was going to buy me something that I was sure to wrap around a tree killing myself in the process. The final gauntlet he threw done was: “Don’t you think you’re a little too old for this?”  That was all he had to say. “Fine” I told him between clenched teeth. “I will buy it for myself.”  I did and despite his warnings I did not cause myself any bodily harm and I have been happily riding it for five years. 

What this scooter has done for me is to bring out my inner wild child.  I feel like I am on an adventure every time I take it out for a spin.  I am cautious…I wear a helmet but the freedom I feel while I am riding it makes me giggle. When I rode yesterday, the sky was an incredible shade of blue and there was a rainbow that seemed to join two clouds high in the sky.  Not at all typical, the colors were brilliant.  I would have never noticed this awe-inspiring sight had I been in a car.  Everything just seems more vibrant when I am riding and I observe it all. A turtle crossing the road, an osprey flying over head and the majestic pelicans going to catch their lunch.  Sometimes a song will play in my head and I will sing out loud while merrily riding along.  I must admit I get some strange looks but mostly I get huge smiles and I feel happy from the inside out.  

I have found that driving this Vespa has given me the confidence to try other things.  I will admit I am not a big risk taker but I also won’t shy away from things just because I have never done them before or someone may think they are not age appropriate for me.  The next thing I am going to try is paddle boarding.  Paddle boarding is when you stand on a surf board that is wider than a normal surf board and paddle around the water.  I have watched people do it and it seems a wonderful way to get some great exercise and see the water up close and personal. Again I am getting those too old for that looks.  My family laughs at the idea telling me I will never be able to stand on one of those things and if I do they are sure they will see me on the evening news paddle boarding to Cuba caught up in some mysterious Gulf current.  Let them laugh I think; I will not be deterred.  I will learn to paddle board.  I will also learn to speak Spanish just in case.

Sunday, Sunday

I love Sundays.  I truly take all the stuff about being a day of rest to heart.  Even the Lord rested on a Sunday. For many years as three little girls jumped up and down on our bed at 6:30 AM in the morning this was not an option but now that they have all grown and have left the house (except for my boomerang youngest who I can never be sure of) I can luxuriate in a true day of relaxation.  I work out of the home and I know my husband is never quite sure exactly what I do.  Being a writer is a bit of a frivolous occupation in his eyes.  Nothing that you really work at so when I tell him that Sunday I am going to take off he looks at me with one of his infamous looks that is saying something like: “Why would you need to take a day off?  I know most of the week you are enjoying the life of a free wheeling socialite.  Going to lunch, out to coffee, shopping basically living a life similar to one of the Kardashians”  He truly feels that the laundry, grocery shopping and cooking is done by some invisible helper I have similar to Dobby in the Harry Potter stories.  After 40 years of marriage I have learned not to argue over issues like these knowing that my Alpha male husband will never understand.  Instead I know that his workaholic nature will kick in and he will go off to work and leave me to my Sunday in peace.

What do I do on this most special day of the week? First I play a bit of a fantasy game that I can order whatever I want from a maid who waits on me hand and foot while I lay in bed.  I welcome her into my room and describe in detail what I would like for my breakfast in bed.   Before long I realize this for the flight of the imagination it is and get up and make my own breakfast.  My favorite breakfast, believe it or not, is not something glamorous like Eggs Benedict or decadent like a cream filled donut.  Instead it is a breakfast that takes me back to my childhood….peanut butter and jelly on toast.  I have changed it a bit to make it healthier by substituting my Wonder bread with whole wheat and organic peanut butter and jelly for the store brands my mother always use to get.  Always watching those pennies you know.  I used to lust over the Peter Pan peanut butter in the commercials with lovely Tinker Bell flitting around but was always told that it was too expensive and the Acme brand was just as good.

I toast my bread to the perfect light brown color with just the right amount of crunch.   I generously slather on the peanut butter until it is melty on the bread.  I add my favorite jam and it is a breakfast fit for me, a Queen for a day.  My husband has left me my favorite Skinny Vanilla Latte and I organize everything on a lovely tray.  I will add a bit of fruit too for a bit of a snack later.  Than it is up to my room I go for breakfast in bed.  I turn on my Ipad and read my current favorite book.  I love to read all types of literature and nothing takes me away as much as a good book.  Ahhhh….It just does not get any better than this. As I sip my latte and eat my toast, I will while away almost the entire morning and early afternoon until I know that if I don’t get up I won’t be able to sleep that night.  The rest of the day I do exactly what I want.  No work..just pleasure.

My family knows now not to bother me on Sundays and it has become an unwritten Mom law that I am not to be disturbed.  I would be lying to tell you that this self-indulgence came easy.  I used to feel guilty and like a bit of a slug not doing anything all day but I found that on the weeks I did not partake of this ritual I really got burned out.  I deserved that day off and learned to take it without a hint of  regret. With all the giving I do during the week to everyone else it was important for me to give back to myself.

Sound like fun to you?  Why not try it and if you can’t afford a whole day start small with an hour or two.  The amount of time is not as important as the fact you are spending it just on you!  Your own mini vacation.  Let me know how it works.  Enjoy!

Songs of My Life…Slightly Out of Tune is the title of my new book that will soon be released by Hay House.   I will keep you posted as to release dates etc. but in the meantime, my life just keeps on singing and this blog will be my way of staying in tune with you on a regular basis.  The rest of the songs of my life so to speak.

First of all, I am so proud of my new website.  The pictures that you see rotating on my home page are pictures of my beloved Sanibel Island located on the west coast of Florida.  As a matter of fact, this whole website is designed to make you feel a part of my island home; the beach, my favorite coffee house and the lighthouse that always guides me home.  The first thing I look for from my airplane window is that faithful old lighthouse.  I hope you enjoy the view.

So what am I singing these days?  With the Fourth of July being so close, I think I would opt for Firework by Katy Perry.  The word firework or fireworks for  that matter brings a story to mind about my daughters when they were young.  I have always loved holiday fireworks and could not wait to take the girls when I thought they would be old enough to enjoy them.  That day finally arrived and we left the house in plenty of time to get a great space right up front.  Although the traffic was fierce and my husband grumbled the entire time, when we finally laid down our blanket and got everything set to watch the display it all seemed worth it.  It was a perfect July night with a balmy breeze and starry sky.  The mosquitoes were staying away due to an ample application of bug repellant. We all had the heady fragrance of Deep Woods Off.  I breathed a sign of quiet contentment as we all waited for the fireworks to begin.  The first one exploded in the sky full of all the colors of the rainbow and the loud booms.  My youngest daughter put her hands over her ears and started screaming so that she was actually louder than the fireworks.  I could not believe it.  Everyone was looking at us as if we were using water board torture on our child. My husband gave me the look, which was a combination of I told you so and let’s get the heck out of here.  We rounded up our gear and fled like the Road Runner being pursued by Wylie Coyote.   So much for that fantasy gone terribly wrong.

Ok…back to the Song..Firework by Katy Perry.  Have you ever listened to the words of this song?  I love them and they ring so true for me these days as I struggle to learn once and for all to accept myself just the way I am.   It is often difficult to let ourselves shine with our own unique light.   We are so often busy filling the roles everyone expects of us…mother, father, daughter, son, sister, brother…well you get the idea.   When do we take time out to just be ourselves?  Our own person devoid of any expectations coming from others.  Not looking for anyone’s approval but our own.  I love the quote by Wayne Dyer that goes something like this “Your opinion of me is none of my business.”  What a great way to put it.  The only person’s opinion of you that matters is your own.  After all it is the only opinion that counts and the only one you can control.  Take a look at yourself.  Like what you see.  Be proud of the person you are right at this moment and as Katy Perry says:

“Ignite the light and let it shine.  Just own the night like the Fourth of July.”